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[webshoots]

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PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

— the amazing, sensational, spectacular spider-man

— & generally neurotic superhero
— voice / image / text
— action.

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[webshoots]

That's me, Peter "leave your culinary hopes and dreams at the door, hope you like food with a little bit of freezer burn" Parker.

They're blueberry.

[gwenzelle]

are they here or
did you bring
them



with you


i started typing that before i realized what i was asking
i'm sure they're here

right?

1/2

[webshoots]

Here as in, in the room?
Here as in Beacon?

...

Gwen, the suit doesn't have pockets.

[webshoots]

They haven't been here for seven months.
I'm not like Miles and his three-week-old hamburger.

They're fresh.

Or as fresh as Pop Tarts can be.

[gwenzelle]

why are you spider-man right now
do i need to spider-woman
you would've told me right



also we don't talk about the hamburger

[webshoots]

I'm not, I just meant I arrived in the suit.
That's what you meant by bring them with me, right?
I can barely remember the last time I HAD to suit up.

We don't talk about the hamburger because you're not Miles, but believe me, if you were Miles right now, we would so be talking about that burger because I'm still a little traumatised by it.

[gwenzelle]

no i meant are they in the room or do you currently have the pops on you
but then i realized it would be weird if you wandered around with a box of pops
and then you were like "the suit doesn't have pockets"
so i thought
oh so
he would have the pops on him
if he had the pockets in which to carry them
but he does not
because he's spider-man



i'm really glad we figured that out

[webshoots]

I'm glad we're so good at this communication thing.
(Yours makes way more sense than mine.)

But just to clarify, I'm not not saying that I wouldn't swing around with Pop Tarts if the suit had pockets.

[gwenzelle]

i'm imagining spider-man with a fanny pack full of pop tarts now so i think we both won this conversation, actually

[webshoots]

I am NOT dignifying that with a response.

[gwenzelle]

fanny pack
fanny pack
that's where spidey
keeps his snacks

1/2

[webshoots]

Hey.

[webshoots]

Speaking of snacks: how's Venom?

[gwenzelle]

still very, very confused about what we're doing here. and bored. but mostly confused.

"chatty kathy" would not be an inaccurate nickname for her, at the moment.
so many questions, so few answers.

always hungry, to answer your question.

[webshoots]

To clarify





are we talking about Venom or we talking about you?

[gwenzelle]

uh rude
but joke's on you because we share a brain
sorta

[webshoots]

You're going to need to explain that one to me.

[gwenzelle]

so, her thoughts and feelings are influenced by my thoughts and feelings. she doesn't have any life experience outside of what i've been through. but she also has no filter, so it gives a whole new meaning to "everything happens so much".

it's like when you plug a guitar into an amp and the volume is too high and there's crazy feedback and you're like "jeeze, chill out" but she doesn't have a
volume dial

the only thing i've been able to halfway explain was why i can't just hop through a portal to go home, but there's a lot of other crap that i'm still confused about, so she is too.

[webshoots]

Oh, you meant...
I definitely thought you meant something else there.

I'm going to have to take your word for the guitar amp comparisons because when I was your age, we only had acoustic guitars. Electricity was only mere twinkles in Benjamin Franklin and Alessandro Volta's eyes...

[ get it? because he's old and everyone insists on calling him old so he's just going to pretend like he's old. ]

[gwenzelle]

no i did not mean you and me share a brain, you nerd
you're brain is too stuffed up with nerd knowledge to share space with anyone else

oh my god
i think you just accomplished something really dark there
a self-burn, old man joke that is also at a dad-joke level

i think i'm impressed?

[webshoots]

We both know stranger things have happened than a shared spider brain.

I’ll take the dad joke part as a compliment, honestly.

[gwenzelle]

true.
i actually wouldn't mind something like telepathy, but only if i could also turn it on and off.

you know what? you should. you earned it.

[webshoots]

Oh, God. No. Telepathy would be the worst.
Imagine the thoughts you'd hear from Logan.
Imagine, then know it'd be 100x worse.

Thanks.

[gwenzelle]

yikes yeah true nevermind
even with an on/off switch i'm pretty sure i would catch things i would never be able to unhear.
i don't think we even know the same logan but the fact that he's universally problematic is a little reassuring
somehow

[webshoots]

You're not wrong.
Sometimes I like to imagine there's a version of him out there that's learnt how to shower.