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[webshoots]

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PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

— the amazing, sensational, spectacular spider-man

— & generally neurotic superhero
— voice / image / text
— action.

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[webshoots]

Alright.

So now he knows this isn’t some bizarre Predestination scenario, what next? What does it change?

[mind_blown]

gives away more information than i want
possibly gets bruce to want to commit me

[webshoots]

Gives away more than you want. Anyone ever told the both of you you're kind of cagey about things?

The kid's on his way to running around in a bat costume and you're speaking to a guy who runs around in a spider costume. And we're trapped in a pocket dimension which flagrantly ignores our Earth-based understanding of life and death.

Point is: we're probably all certifiable.

Which... probably isn't comforting, but I've made my peace with it.

Anyway, you messed up. We all mess up, right? Either you fix it or you move on. Is this a 'fix it' scenario?

[mind_blown]

i used to be less cagey, but guess the habit stuck after i came back.
anyway, anyone ever tell you that there aren't blue and white spiders? and having a spider on it doesn't make it a spider costume?

[webshoots]

Red and blue, thanks.

Did I ever tell you about the time that I tried to get rid of my powers and ended up with six arms?

[mind_blown]

you know what i meant.
and no, you haven't

[webshoots]

The story's kind of told itself now, but: I thought I'd be better off if I didn't have my powers.

Ended up with six arms.

Don't recommend.

...It's marginally better than turning into an actual spider, by the way.

[mind_blown]

i don't know what i expected, but thanks for that very valuable lesson.

[webshoots]

Glad to be of service.

But don't think I didn't notice that distraction attempt.

[mind_blown]

touché.
i don't know the answer to your question.
that's the non-cagey answer.

[ it's still plenty cagey. ]

[webshoots]

I don't mean this condescendingly, but it's probably worth figuring out.

[mind_blown]

probably, you're right. i'll think about it.

[ and then he will change subjects because he doesn't know what else to say, because admitting the whole story feels weird when it's distant like that.

sure, maybe he'd be less emotional via text, but also it could just spur a lot of misunderstandings ]

anyway, we still on for trying to find this lab?

[webshoots]

Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't we be?

[mind_blown]

now who's being cagey?

[webshoots]

What? I'm an open book.

[mind_blown]

pretty sure you're being cagey right now
and you're being cagey about being cagey.
a cagey inception, if you will.

[webshoots]

Okay, sure, I've been feeling a little flu-y, but it's the season, right?
I'm definitely not turning into Tom Hardy.

[mind_blown]

[ he used to have a memory, where batman benched him when he got the flu. and then stayed with him instead of going out to fight crime.

he doesn't have that memory anymore, because he's an idiot. ]

oh yes. sure.
if you think you can handle it, i'm not gonna stop you.
but you can't blame me for checking.

[webshoots]

[ more than once, peter's done exactly what he shouldn't when he's had the flu — once, he'd revealed his identity as spider-man, to gwen and to mj and to harry, and then blamed it on the fever; once, he'd thought he'd been dying or losing his powers, or both; more recently, he'd headed out to find billy connors, curt's son because a family deserved to be a family, and he couldn't have inaction on his conscience.

now though, he knows it's not the flu. the flu's an easy, convenient excuse — it was something to do with that machine down at the night market, although the exact how he's still unclear on. (he's sure doc strange would have a thing or two to say about it.) ]

I know my limits, don't worry.

[mind_blown]

we always say that in this field.
but ok.

[webshoots]

I try to avoid fields.
Spider.
Red and blue.
Camouflage isn't exactly my thing.

[ don't call him out on his shit, jason. ]

[mind_blown]

i was gonna let this drop
but your nervous chatter makes me think i shouldn't
got something you wanna come to jesus on, spidey?

[webshoots]

What?
No.
Tone's pretty hard to discern via text, so:

It's not nervous chatter. It's obnoxious chatter.
There's a difference.

[mind_blown]

obnoxious chatter tends to be about food
or about anything besides being a masked vigilante
nervous chatter's the opposite

[webshoots]

That is absolutely not true.
I talk about work all the time in a non-nervous fashion.
I even went on a date that managed to be incredibly awkward in every single way except for all the work-related chatter.